She said her name was "party"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
