she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
