i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
