It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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