Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
