For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
