I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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