This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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