making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found your dick twin last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
