I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
