people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
