it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
