you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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