maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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