I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
