One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
