thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize