OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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