I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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