I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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