I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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