Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
