Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
