You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
