Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize