were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize