24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
