Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
