Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
