I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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