4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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