i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
