Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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