i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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