You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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