I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
