You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
