I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
