Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
