those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
