What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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