first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
