I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
