You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
