finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
