okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
