he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
