Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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