FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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