I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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