well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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