Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize