so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize