there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
