I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize