wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
