Where did you get a picture of my penis
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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