Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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