my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
