Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
