I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
