Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
