just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
