I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
