You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
