im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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