I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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