I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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