Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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