You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
